“Children learn more from what you are, than what you teach.” ― W.E.B. Du Bois

Selfcare for moms is vital for raising calm kids. This article helps moms understand

• what mom selfcare is

• how selfcare helps moms raise calm, better regulated kids.

• and ways in which moms can better selfcare.

  
  

Raising calm kids begins with your inner calm. Our kids depend on us to guide them, teach them how to behave, be kind, patient and compassionate.

It begins with us.

Being a parent is a huge responsibility because we are raising another human with our values.

Children learn what they see.

To raise calm, self regulated kids, parents must be calm and well regulated themselves.

That is why self care is most important for nurturing mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well being.

What is Self-Care For Moms

Self-care begins with looking after yourself. 

You can of course go for manicures and pedicures if it helps you feel better. 

However, self-care is more about recognising what you need help with to better your relationships and life. 

Self-care is about looking after your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.

It is about having a mindset where you have high self-esteem and positive feeling about yourself.

Self-care is about seeking help or finding solutions to your problems, changing habits for the better so you can be a better person, a better mother.

Parents Are a Role Model

Parents are the most prominent role models for their children.

Our children are constantly imitating what we do.

For example, they try and walk like us, copy the way we sit, attempt to use phrases and words we use when they talk.

So much of our behaviour mirrors our child’s behaviour. So why wouldn’t our anger or our lack of emotional control?

If you are tired of your emotional, cranky child who is always amid one tantrum or another, maybe it is time for you to sit back and reflect on your behaviour.

Here is an article-How To Be A Good Role Model To Kids-15 Characteristics

So, what can you do momma, to transform your angry child into a calm, well-regulated child?

How To Self-Care Yourself Into A Calm Parent So Your Child Can Be Too

• Prioritise Morning ‘Me Time’ 

It may sound silly to you, but ‘Me Time’ in the beginning, and at the end of each day is super important for your mental and emotional wellbeing. 

It is a known fact that moms always care for themselves last, which can lead to mom burnout.

Anger, lack of patience, extreme tiredness, feeling frustrated, overwhelmed and anxious, are some signs of mom burnout.

Here is an article: 17 Ways to Overcome Mom Burnout-Symptoms, Consequences and Selfcare

Yes, Mom burnout is real, so you must take care of your emotional and mental health. 

Because an angry mom is not a good mom. 

You do not want to be that mom to your precious child. And you would not want your child to reflect your anger onto you.

Read more here: How to Stop Being an Angry Mom: Strengthening Mom-Child Bond

So make time to find that inner peace and mentally prepare yourself, for the coming challenges in your day.

-Wake up before your kids.

You don’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn, but early enough to give yourself a peaceful time to attend to yourself. 

-You would feel a lot better if you 

can go to the toilet and have a shower without your kid clinging to your pyjamas. 

-Have a cup of your morning coffee/ tea and breakfast without interruptions. 

-Organise yourself or plan your day. 

Beginning your day with a calm, organised mind, sets a positive mood for your day which means you will have more patience for your child. 

Sacrificing some sleep may be hard in the beginning but once you begin to see the benefits of the morning ‘me time, I am sure you will form this habit quickly enough.

Note; if you are dealing with anger and tantrums before Kindy drop-offs and don’t know what to do anymore, this Parent Handbook might help.

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• Have a Routine

Remember self care is about finding ways to make your life better. Routine allows you to avoid chaos and have a better organised life.

Chaos can trigger feelings of frustration and anger. 

Are you always running late because your child wouldn’t stop having a tantrum quick enough (doesn’t want to stop playing, watching TV etc) to get out of the house on time? 

Now you are late or missed something important that understandably triggers anger in you. 

Do you take this out on your child by saying harsh words? How does your child react? Can all this be avoided? 

Children can be unpredictable at times, but a routine helps children feel organised.  

Do yourself a favour. Plan your day so you know what you are doing on that day. 

Here is a helpful article-How To Manage Children's Behaviour With Daily Routine Charts

When you feel organised and in control, you can help your child feel the same.

Remember, children can’t organise their day on their own. They need your help. 

Once you have a plan for your day, help your child visualise their day based on your plan. 

The easiest way to do this is by using a routine chart. 

When children can see their day, they can mentally prepare themselves for their day, like you. 

And just like you, they will feel more in control not only of their day but emotions as well.

(Here is a free template to help you custom create your own child’s routine) 

• Allow Yourself Time to ‘Get Out’

Being a good mom does not require you to be attached to your child 24/7.

Having some time away from your child is good for both.

Some separation time is a good skill to develop in your child for school readiness.

And it is especially good for your mental health to have adult interaction.

Meet with friends to engage in mutual hobbies or favourite things to do.

It is okay if your child is unsettled with separation in the beginning. With time, they will learn to settle and have fun too. 

• No More Guilty Feelings

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are a selfish mom for having some time for yourself. 

You did take care of your child first. You placed them in safe care where they will be looked after. 

Remind yourself that your child does not deserve a burnt-out, anxious, or agitated mom. 

You need to feel happy from within, so you can transfer those happy, positive vibes to your child.

Once you rejuvenate, you can give more of yourself to your child.

Here is an article to reassure you further-How to Overcome Mom Guilt for Needing a Break

• Learn to be Organised

There is a lot of stuff when kids are little.

Use an organisation method that works for you so that things can be found quickly. 

There is nothing worse than a child crying or having a tantrum over a missing shoe or a lost teddy when you must leave home. This is a common trigger for stress, anxiety and even anger. 

Teach your child to place things back where they belong from an early age. Maybe this is a skill you need to perfect as well. 

But how is this self-care?

Isn’t it?

You are teaching your child from an early age to be responsible. If they can take care of their stuff, you don’t have to stress, yell or turn the house upside down every hour of the day.

They are happy and so are you.

• Have a Routine for Calm Time During the Day

Regardless of whether your child goes down for a daytime nap or not, set aside a block of time for rest time each day.

If your child doesn’t like to sleep, have a calm space set up for them for this time.

Have a calm time basket (with quiet activities like colouring, cuddly toys, picture books. magazines etc) ready so your child can do something quietly while you get some ‘me time’ too.

Some quiet time will give your ‘ears a rest' and give you both time to self-regulate.

Here is an article on how to create a calm corner: 7 Reasons Why All Kids Need A Calming Corner And How To Create One

• Eat and Hydrate.

Looking after your health is non-negotiable.

Plan a weekly menu if you have, to so that you have enough healthy supplies for decent healthy meals.

Here are a couple of recipe books for Family Meal Planning:

• Stress-Free Family Meal Planning: Easy, Healthy Recipes for Busy Homes by Kristen McCaffrey

• 100 Tested, Perfected, and Family-Approved Recipes by Jennifer Segal

Hunger is a big contributor to stress and anger.

Allow your child to help with little tasks in the kitchen.

Teaching cooking and healthy eating habits early will pay off in the long run.

Keeping yourself and your child satiated is a good way to embrace a calm happy mood.

• Delegate Chores To Every Household Member

You are a mom, not a superwoman. 

Make a chores roster if you must so that everyone knows well in advance what they are required to do.

Every little bit helps. If someone can empty the bins, get the clothes off the line or put dishes away, means that many jobs less for you to do.

It may not be done perfectly, but we are not going to worry about that.

In time, they will learn to do things better.

Don’t underestimate how capable young ones can be.

Little chores make them feel important and stay connected with you-it helps them feel valued.

• Make Time To Connect With Nature

It is spiritually, mentally, and emotionally refreshing to get out and about in nature.

Bundle up your little one in a stroller or if you can, go out for a walk or a run by yourself.

When you feel at peace, you can’t help but transfer that vibe to your child.

• Couple Time Is Important

Yes, spending time with children is important, but so is spending quality time with your partner.

Having a bedtime routine is especially important so that children learn to settle down by a certain time each night.

Nurturing your relationship is vital for maintaining a happy family life. Not only that, a happy, healthy couple relationship makes you feel loved and valued for who you are.

And, of course, when a mom feels loved, she can’t help but share that love.

Here are some romantic date night ideas that you can have right at home.

Let’s Recap

Children express feelings of hurt, fear and frustration through their anger. They feel angry when they don’t get the affection or the connection that they need from their parents. They demand patience and understanding.

Parents on the other hand need a large reserve of patience, calm and resilience to meet these demands.

Selfcare plays a big role in nurturing mental, emotional and physical wellbeing of parents. It is essential for maintaining happy, well balanced relationships.