How To Break the Cycle of Learned Helplessness in Your Child- Are You Overparenting?
As a parent of young children, it can be easy to fall into the habit of doing things for them when they could do them themselves.
We want our kids to learn independence and build confidence in their own abilities, but with all the best intentions we may be inadvertently teaching learned helplessness instead!
Whether you're the overprotective mom who's constantly intervening or the one who's given too much away, it might be time to consider how this is impacting your child’s well-being - both long-term and short-term.
The good news is that by shifting our parenting style we can break this cycle of learned helplessness in our kids.
Read on for helpful tips for creating an environment where your kid will thrive!
What Is Learned Helplessness in Children?
Learned helplessness in children is a psychological phenomenon in which a child develops a belief that they have no control over their environment or life circumstances due to the excessive protection and sheltering provided by their parents.
This can manifest in many forms, such as the child being unable to solve simple problems on their own, due to
a lack of confidence,
feeling overwhelmed when faced with obstacles,
appearing uninterested in challenging activities or opportunities,
and having difficulty making decisions or asserting themselves.
What is Overparenting?
Overparenting is a style of parenting that is characterized by excessive involvement and protection in a child's life.
This approach to parenting focuses on safeguarding a child's success and shielding them from danger
instead of
allowing them to take risks, explore the environment, and learn through experience.
Overparenting can lead to strong dependency issues for a child, as well as difficulty developing their own decision-making and problem-solving skills.
Parents might use overparenting for good intentions, like wanting the best for their children, but the negative consequences often outweigh any benefits.
With guidance and understanding from parents, children can learn how to become independent individuals with a confident outlook on life.
Overparenting Behaviors that Cause Learned Helplessness in Children
1. Hovering:
Hovering can be damaging to young kids because it creates a sense of anxiety and insecurity in the child.
By hovering, parents are constantly monitoring their child's every move and decision, which can lead them to feel overwhelmed and unable to make independent decisions or trust their judgment.
Children begin to lack autonomy in their life they may miss out on learning important skills like problem-solving and resilience.
2. Protecting:
Shielding children from learning from their mistakes or taking risks by doing things for them.
It deprives children of learning crucial life lessons on how to make decisions, take risks and understand consequences.
This can lead to stunted psychological growth, making it difficult for children to form healthy relationships or develop an effective sense of self-esteem in adulthood.
Furthermore, overprotective parenting often creates feelings of anxiety in children which could affect mental health, low self-confidence, and social isolation.
3. Fixing:
Doing things for your child that they could do themselves, such as finishing projects or solving problems for them can severely stunt children's development of self-efficacy and critical thinking skills, as well as lead to anxiety and depression due to the lack of being able to make their own decisions and learn from mistakes.
This type of parenting also creates a reliance on external validation, which can lead to low self-esteem later in life when the child isn't guided by their parents.
4. Taking Control:
Making decisions for your child, such as what classes to take or which clubs to join.
The lack of freedom causes kids to become heavily dependent on their parents for every decision which can lead to feelings of frustration and resentment from both child and parent.
5. Being Too Involved:
Interfering in social situations and friendships, making sure children don’t get hurt emotionally by others.
This can make it difficult for children to learn how to interact with peers and build meaningful relationships.
It can also lead to children losing out on valuable life experiences such as playing independently with other children, navigating social situations, and learning from mistakes, which are all crucial steps for emotional development.
6. Infantilizing:
Doing things for kids that they should be expected to do for themselves at their age, such as cleaning up after them.
Avoiding teaching self-help skills is damaging because it stifles the natural development and growth which is necessary for a child to develop their own coping mechanisms, self-confidence, and self-reliance.
7. Perfectionism:
Overparenting behavior of 'perfectionism' can be damaging to young kids because it can set them up for unrealistic expectations, make them feel overwhelmed and inadequate, and lead to feelings of shame and low self-esteem.
By expecting perfection in a child's academic performance, physical appearance, or other areas, parents can cause them to be overly self-critical and anxious about failure.
8. Rescuing:
Running to the rescue at any sign of difficulty or challenge for your child robs them of the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficulties and challenges independently.
This not only limits their emotional development but also diminishes their self-confidence and resilience since they are not allowed to experience setbacks, failures, or successes on their own terms and develop effective strategies for dealing with life's struggles.
9. Excessive Praise:
Excessive praise can be damaging to young kids because it teaches them to depend on others for their approval and self-worth, rather than developing a healthy sense of self-esteem that comes from within.
This kind of behavior also discourages children from taking risks and learning from failure, as they come to expect that they will always receive undeserved recognition regardless of their efforts.
As a result, kids may become overly reliant on external validation and may not develop the resilience needed to face life’s challenges.
Here is an article on Why Doing Everything for Your Child Is Actually Hindering Their Development for more reading.
How to Break the Cycle of Overparenting and Learned Helplessness
1. Encourage Independence:
Give your child age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions and take responsibility for their actions.
Allow them to experience the natural consequences of their choices and help them learn from these experiences.
2. Foster Creative Thinking:
Encourage a growth mindset.
Allow your child to explore new ideas and question assumptions without fear of criticism or punishment.
Encourage them to express their opinions and explore creative solutions to problems.
Here is How to Teach a Growth Mindset to Kids- 9 Best Activities
3. Praise Effort, Not Outcome:
Focus on praising your child’s efforts rather than their outcomes - this will help foster a sense of intrinsic motivation rather than relying on external approval and reinforcement.
Here is an article to help you Praise Your Child The Right Way- 65 Examples
4. Let Them Make Mistakes:
Allow your child to make mistakes and learn from them. This will help them develop resilience and self-confidence in the face of failure.
Here is an article for further reading How To Teach Kids to Embrace Failure and Learn From Mistakes- 12 Ways
5. Build Self-Esteem:
Spend time with your child doing activities that are meaningful for both of you, such as sports or art projects.
This will help build a strong sense of connection and foster a healthy self-image.
Here is a helpful article on How To Help Your Child Build Better Self Esteem
6. Model Healthy Behaviors:
Finally, demonstrate healthy behavior yourself by setting a good example and being mindful of how your own words and actions impact your child's emotional development.
Show that you can handle stress in healthy ways, navigate social situations with confidence, and take responsibility for mistakes. This will help build the foundation needed for a strong, independent adult.
By following these tips, you can help your child reach their full potential and develop into an emotionally healthy adult!
Here is an article on How To Be A Good Role Model To Kids-15 Characteristics
You can also seek professional help if needed to ensure that your child's emotional health is being properly nurtured.
A good therapist or counselor can provide valuable guidance in this area. Through working together, you and your child will be able to break the vicious cycle of overparenting and learned helplessness.
This article- Letting Go: Why Overprotective Parenting Does More Harm Than Good to Your Preschooler is also a helpful read.
FAQ
Q: What is overparenting?
A: Overparenting is a form of parenting that involves excessive involvement in a child’s life, often at the expense of the child's autonomy and independence. It can cause children to develop learned helplessness and an unhealthy dependence on external validation.
Q: How do I break the cycle of overparenting and learned helplessness?
A: There are several steps that you can take to break the cycle of overparenting and learned helplessness. These include encouraging independence, fostering creative thinking, praising effort instead of outcome, allowing your child to make mistakes, building self-esteem, modeling healthy behaviors, and seeking professional help as needed.
Q: How can I foster a growth mindset in my child?
A: You can foster a growth mindset in your child by encouraging them to explore new ideas, questioning assumptions without fear of criticism or punishment, and praising their efforts rather than outcomes. Additionally, you can allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions, practice positive self-talk, and recognize their own strengths.
By following these tips, you can help your child reach their full potential and develop into an emotionally healthy adult!
